Faith Fettered Dreams

The past ten months have been fairly great, at least by my standards; considering my job, and lack of financial backing to do much of anything that bar is fairly low. I'll level with ya this was never the intent I had for this, but I find myself without a place to go to say anything. Now I've never liked my job, well since the first week, life since then did nothing but stagnate. Being a teen it was OK I had money to pay for my car, and my phone (which I was forced into because of the car). I eventually got a girl twice, I am not a smooth talking machine nor confident. I graduated without trying, and got accepted to DeVry (quit laughing now) breezing through college life continued the downfall, I had a decent job was working toward a better job had a Fiancee merely steps away from being married and in a decent job. Karma from something must have caught the fuck up with me, she left me and crushed I switched to school online, and moved home. Some shit fell through with funding and the school dropped me. I had my job as a sales guy for the "R" Us corporation back (surprise, fuck you blog policy) which meant I couldn't afford rent my car or anything almost. Shit still went south, from there I end up on a couch for a couple months trying to get together money for a place to stay, and one I could afford; I was expecting to have to shakedown the roaches for rent. Luckily to a place I could afford, with a roommate a nice place. Then life did exactly as it did now, nothing. I couldn't stand it, the only reason to wake up in the morning was to go to work, after work there was nothing. No lustrous life of any sort, no person looking forward to my return, hell not even a pet (which would starve on my pay, I know I did). I turn around and go back to school, now at Westwood college. Half of life was great, I also reconnected with MTG. I've never been a drug user, if that statement doesn't say it then nothing will, I realize though mine are different; they come in a foil package nine or 15 at a time. I find my job to be holding me down, I've spent a day doing nothing at all and felt I've done more than in a four hour shift at work. I can't escape it either my school doesn't get in the way of work not beginning at 6pm, but the lack of real experience is stepping in the way of any real progress. I don't have many ambitions anymore, in fact I'll name three the only I want. I want to ship one title, be invited to states, or higher for magic, and place in regionals for YGO. I know the steps, getting there is the issue. After recapping the past quarter of my life here, I don't see any of these happening, hell my father who is alway so "proud" of me didn't even bother telling me he's getting remarried. I was hoping that typing all this would help, I might feel a little better. An hour and a distracted half later all I want to do is play cards to try and cheer myself up. I now find myself knowing why addicts do it, don't get me wrong I still criticize my "best friend" for his. Don't worry we'll be back to our regularly scheduled program tomorrow. After reading turn three Kiln Fiend, I'll use him to turn three infect.